Over the past several years, alongside our training in Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT), we have developed a reflective parenting group that has become an important complement to individual, group, and family therapeutic processes. It may be helpful to briefly outline the perspective that guides this group. It is not merely a method, but a fundamentally different way of relating both to our children and to ourselves. Mentalization, Peter Fonagy és munkatársai által kidolgozott és évtizedek kutatásával alátámasztott fogalom – azt a képességünket jelenti, amellyel saját és mások belső állapotait: érzéseit, szándékait, gondolatait meg tudjuk érteni. Fonagy és Target (1997) szerint a mentalizáció biológiai alapokon nyugvó, de csak gondoskodó kötődési kapcsolatban kibontakozó képesség, ami nem pusztán velünk született adottság, hanem a korai interakciók minőségétől függő fejlődési eredmény. Elsősorban korai kötődési kapcsolatainkban tanulunk rá arra, hogy a másik ember "belső világgal rendelkező lény." Ez a képesség az, ami lehetővé teszi, hogy ne csupán a gyerek viselkedését lássuk – a kiabálást, a visszahúzódást, a makacs ellenállást –, hanem megkérdezzük: mi lehet most benne? Reflective functioning refers to the operationalized and empirically measurable form of mentalization. It captures the extent to which a person is able to understand their own and others’ behaviour in terms of conscious and unconscious mental states. Parents with higher reflective functioning – those who are able to approach their child’s inner world with curiosity and openness – are more capable of fostering secure attachment relationships. Not because they always respond in the “right” way, but because they are able to return to moments of rupture, reflect on them, and repair the relationship. This becomes especially important during adolescence. Adolescence is a developmental period in which the mentalizing system is particularly unstable, partly for neurobiological reasons: the prefrontal cortex is still developing, emotional reactivity is heightened, and the parent-adolescent relationship is often filled with tension. The key question, therefore, is not whether a parent responds well in every moment, but whether they are able to reconnect even after moments of disconnection. The mentalizing stance egyik fő alappillére a "not-knowing stance". Vagyis a nem-tudás pozíciója, ami azt jelenti, hogy nem gondoljuk, hogy tudjuk, mi van a másikban. Nem értelmezünk, nem magyarázunk, nem javítunk rögtön. Ehelyett kíváncsiak vagyunk. Ez a kíváncsiság az, ami megnyitja a kommunikációs teret, amit a kamasz pontosan érezi, még ha nem is nevezi meg. This is exactly the aim of the reflective parenting group: not to offer ready-made solutions or techniques, but to foster and gradually strengthen this internal stance through personal experience and shared reflection. It may sound simple in theory, yet it is far from easy to put into practice. Within the group, we explore together how to expand the relational space in which parent and child can genuinely find one another. Structure of the groups in 2026 First and Second Sessions – Introduction, the Window of Tolerance and the Emotional Thermometer The introductory session of the series begins with a 2-hour online theoretical block, followed followed by an introduction to the framework of the in-person group and the laying of foundations for collaborative work. Core themes of the introduction include the concept of the emotional thermometer and the Window of Tolerance Model: how we recognize our own emotional states and those of our children, and what happens when we move outside our optimal zone of regulation. Particular attention is given to understanding self-harm and the emotional states underlying it, as well as supporting parents in remaining present and responsive in such situations. Group participants also identify their own coping strategies and emotional triggers. We additionally address how in case of neurodiversity – such as ADHD and autism spectrum disorders – the parental role becomes particularly demanding, making self-care especially important.  Third Session – Attuned Listening and Reflective Mirroring The focus of this session is an attuned listening exercise conducted in pairs. Each participant shares a personal topic, while their partner reflects back what they have heard – without adding interpretation, advice, or personal commentary. Participants are able to experience for themselves how difficult it can be simply to reflect another person’s words, and how deeply relieving it can feel to experience being accurately understood. The group also explores how easily our own thoughts, fears, and prior interpretations can distract us from what the other person is truly saying – something that becomes particularly relevant in communication with adolescents. Breathing exercises are also incorporated as a tool for mindfulness and self-regulation. Fourth Session – Validation: Understanding, Not Agreeing The theme of this session is validation: how we can give feedback to an adolescent in a way that helps them feel understood, without necessarily agreeing with what they say or do. Through role-play exercises, parents explore what it feels like to step into the adolescent’s shoes and experience the difference what it’s like when the parent normalizes, reflects, or, conversely, immediately looks for solutions. It turns out that there is a subtle but significant line between validation and solution-seeking, and that affective empathy – that is, partially resonating with another person’s emotional state – creates the possibility for genuine connection.  Fifth Session – The Parent Map: Guided Imagery and Symbolic Exploration Meditációs-szimbolumterápiás módszerrel mindenki saját szülőségének "főutcáját" idézi meg. Körüljárjuk milyen képben jelenik meg a szülőszerep, kik és mi van körülötte, melyek a meghatározó múltbeli szálak. Az alkotások visszahozása során megjelennek a szülői minták generációs továbbvitelének kérdései, a múlt hatása a jelenre, az egyedüllét és az elszigeteltség élménye, valamint az, hogy mit jelent a szülői szerep a saját identitáson belül.  Sixth Session – The Parenting Network: Who Surrounds Us? The main task of this session is mapping the parental support network. Arranged in three concentric circles, we reflect on who provides emotional support, from whom practical help can be sought, and who serves as a professional source of guidance in their lives. On numerous occasions, we find that for many people this network can be quite limited, and the difficulties in help-seeking are deeply rooted. Seventh Session – Asking for Help in Practice; The Parent–Adolescent Dictionary Ezen az alkalmon egy kamasz-szülő "szótárfordítási" feladatban dolgozunk együtt. Tipikus kamasz mondatokat, mint pl. a  "te úgy sem értesz meg", "hagyjál már békén", "nem érdekel",  próbálunk meg mögöttes érzelmi szükséglet felől megérteni, és ahhoz kapcsolódni.  Eighth Session – Reflection and Integration Ezen az alkalmon általában kiemelkedő témáink a kontextus megértésének fontossága a kamasz viselkedése mögött, a modell-mentalizálás – vagyis az, hogy a szülő saját magán mutat példát az érzelmek nevesítésére –, valamint az, hogy a kapcsolat megőrzése elsőbbséget élvez a "nyerés" felett.  The program takes place as an eight-session psychoeducational experiential group grounded in a reflective parenting approach and informed by Mentalization-Based Treatment principles, led by MBT-A therapist Erika Pap. Admission to the group is currently based on internal professional recommendations from the Murmo Team.